Dating Apps Are a Shortcut to Dying Alone
Why dating apps and networking events were doomed from the start
Dating apps only work if you are high agency, or exceptionally attractive. (Yes, unfortunately, often being middle-of-the road attractive isn’t enough.) If you are either of these then you don’t need the apps anyway, if you are neither of these then dating apps are a waste of time. The best way to succeed in networking is to be an active participant in life. If you build an identity as a person of action who influences the world around you rather than floating down the river of life, dating will be a natural extension of what you pursue. People on dating apps are inherently bad at “making things happen,” so you get the group chat vacation purgatory effect that everyone loves to hate.
“We should go to Florida some time,” “we should grab lunch”, or “we should hang out.”
Everyone loves to daydream about the next event, and they all would enjoy the trip or party if it actually did happen, but no one actually plans anything. Compounding this is that the more people involved in a potential event, the less any one person believes it's their responsibility to make it happen. It's the bystander effect for interpersonal relationships. The few times someone tries to organize, they try too hard to get consensus rather than getting just enough buy-in to be the change they want to see in the world. People have an excessively negative perception of this absolution of accountability. They think if someone says “we should grab lunch,” it will never happen. They convince themselves that the other party never wanted to meet, when really they would love to; they're ignoring the opportunity to make something happen.
